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fked up
Mar. 14th, 2009 | 03:19 am
music: my life is fucked
a whole week of depression. my mind is still a mess. i usually never read friend pages but after just reading it i feel so much worse. i feel more of a loser then ever. such a feeling of inadequacy that is even greater then ever. i've managed to toally fuck up every dream that i ever had. i never gave my future much thought but now i see that i may not even have one. seeing everyone get accepted deliberate abouy scholarships and which uni is better just makes me feel ever more zi bei. im never ever achieved even a little bit of success in anything ive done. academics. sports. love. etc. even though my values and aspiration are so skewed i dont even come close. viewing popularity and wealth as important. i screwed myself by not even being able to achieve such materialistic and tangible wants. i dont know what i can study in uni now, all thanks to myself. not only cant i compete with others am i even eligible??? im now aiming so high im bound to flop. but its weird cos im just thinking about how ill flop test an interview without even first being shortlisted. my mind is a whirl of thoughts and doubt. everyday im wasting my life away and sinking lower and deeper into depression...
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The Maid Conspiracies: a true story soon to be made into a movie
Jan. 13th, 2009 | 09:52 pm
THE MAID CONSPIRACIES( PART 2)
as it turns out the bedbugs that had been brought over from the philippines had managed to spread and had not been totally eliminated, the first time the exterminators had come. So for the past few months nora and wida had been in a living hell getting bitten every night went they went to bed, while dewi was bite free sleeping in the guest room together with the young mistress. try as they might they could not complain having held on a leash by dewi who was the most senior of the three. But this was only the tip of the iceberg. as the interrogation continued, more secrets were revealed. Dewi and been waking up later the month prior to her trip home. and so as to not let anyone suspect and find her skiving, she hid in the attic only waking up after 10am each day. After which she would go out and only come back in the afternoon. mrs ng was outraged at her maid's deception. her anger peaked when she heard that the deceitful maid had worn her clothes, used her makeup and even worn her shoes and handbags.(note: mrs ng has over 50 pairs of salvador ferrgamo shoes, which gives a rough idea of the kind of stuff she has) how dare she! hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. there was more to come. the whole family had thought that Dewi was going home to get married, but this was far from the actual truth. She was married and had wanted to obtain gifts from her employer before she left. the kettle was about to boil over already, but even more lies were about to be revealed.
to be continued...
as it turns out the bedbugs that had been brought over from the philippines had managed to spread and had not been totally eliminated, the first time the exterminators had come. So for the past few months nora and wida had been in a living hell getting bitten every night went they went to bed, while dewi was bite free sleeping in the guest room together with the young mistress. try as they might they could not complain having held on a leash by dewi who was the most senior of the three. But this was only the tip of the iceberg. as the interrogation continued, more secrets were revealed. Dewi and been waking up later the month prior to her trip home. and so as to not let anyone suspect and find her skiving, she hid in the attic only waking up after 10am each day. After which she would go out and only come back in the afternoon. mrs ng was outraged at her maid's deception. her anger peaked when she heard that the deceitful maid had worn her clothes, used her makeup and even worn her shoes and handbags.(note: mrs ng has over 50 pairs of salvador ferrgamo shoes, which gives a rough idea of the kind of stuff she has) how dare she! hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. there was more to come. the whole family had thought that Dewi was going home to get married, but this was far from the actual truth. She was married and had wanted to obtain gifts from her employer before she left. the kettle was about to boil over already, but even more lies were about to be revealed.
to be continued...
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The Maid Conspiracies: a true story soon to be made into a movie
Jan. 11th, 2009 | 10:57 pm
THE MAID CONSPIRACIES
it all started more than 5 months ago when a maid,Rose, arrived at 23 Joo Chiat Avenue. She had been hired by one of the 8 brothers of a family of 11, and was sent here for orientation. Lo and behold no one thought to suspect that along with the arrival of the newcomer, unwanted guests had managed to hitch a ride as well. A few weeks passed, and the maid's progress was coming along smoothly. one morning, the maids went to look for the lady of the household, mrs ng. "mum, we is being bitten by insects at night." said the 3 in unison. Curious as to what this was all about, mrs ng asked her husband to check out the room where the maids together with old mdm chan slept. It was only then that they discovered that the new maid had brought a bedbug-infested luggage along with her and now these bugs had spread. the exterminator was called in immediately, and all the bedding and luggage were immediately disposed off. Thats when the story should have ended, but it didn't.
The new year had just passed, and two members of the housedhold had left. Liane had gone back to australia, following which she would head over to korea for an exchange. Dewi had finally returned to indonesia after spending 6 years with the Ng family. on the morning of the 6th, as mrs ng was asking the newest maid to change the bed sheets, the new maid caught a bug and showed it to her. " what's that" mrs ng asked. " its a bedbug, mum" the maid duly replied, as she squeezed it and blood squirted out. The shock and the horror, as mrs ng realised why she had been feeling itchy and having rashed the past few months. She had complained about the itch to her husband who had said it was just a rash. She quickly contacted pest control who arrived momentarily to access the problem. They revealed that the whole headboard was infested with bedbugs and even showed her a few. Grandma Chan's room was far worst affected there were bugs practically living on the walls. The exterminators ordered an immediate evac while they sprayed and gassed the house." no one is to enter for at least 5 hours" said one. "This stuff can kill an elephant. I've breathed it so much that i've lost my sense of smell haha" laughed another. Grandma Chan and Nora were transported to another relatives house, while Wida stayed and home and the rest of the family went to csc. That night upon returning, mrs ng felt that this whole situtation was a bit fishy and called wida for interrogation. It was then that the cat was let out of the bag. Dewi had ordered the Nora and wida to keep the bedbugs a secret, since she didn't want anyone to spoil her trip. to be continued...
it all started more than 5 months ago when a maid,Rose, arrived at 23 Joo Chiat Avenue. She had been hired by one of the 8 brothers of a family of 11, and was sent here for orientation. Lo and behold no one thought to suspect that along with the arrival of the newcomer, unwanted guests had managed to hitch a ride as well. A few weeks passed, and the maid's progress was coming along smoothly. one morning, the maids went to look for the lady of the household, mrs ng. "mum, we is being bitten by insects at night." said the 3 in unison. Curious as to what this was all about, mrs ng asked her husband to check out the room where the maids together with old mdm chan slept. It was only then that they discovered that the new maid had brought a bedbug-infested luggage along with her and now these bugs had spread. the exterminator was called in immediately, and all the bedding and luggage were immediately disposed off. Thats when the story should have ended, but it didn't.
The new year had just passed, and two members of the housedhold had left. Liane had gone back to australia, following which she would head over to korea for an exchange. Dewi had finally returned to indonesia after spending 6 years with the Ng family. on the morning of the 6th, as mrs ng was asking the newest maid to change the bed sheets, the new maid caught a bug and showed it to her. " what's that" mrs ng asked. " its a bedbug, mum" the maid duly replied, as she squeezed it and blood squirted out. The shock and the horror, as mrs ng realised why she had been feeling itchy and having rashed the past few months. She had complained about the itch to her husband who had said it was just a rash. She quickly contacted pest control who arrived momentarily to access the problem. They revealed that the whole headboard was infested with bedbugs and even showed her a few. Grandma Chan's room was far worst affected there were bugs practically living on the walls. The exterminators ordered an immediate evac while they sprayed and gassed the house." no one is to enter for at least 5 hours" said one. "This stuff can kill an elephant. I've breathed it so much that i've lost my sense of smell haha" laughed another. Grandma Chan and Nora were transported to another relatives house, while Wida stayed and home and the rest of the family went to csc. That night upon returning, mrs ng felt that this whole situtation was a bit fishy and called wida for interrogation. It was then that the cat was let out of the bag. Dewi had ordered the Nora and wida to keep the bedbugs a secret, since she didn't want anyone to spoil her trip. to be continued...
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gone to the dogs
Jan. 4th, 2009 | 11:12 am
mood: 
sad
music: empty
wow how long has it been oh well not exactly a proper post but an email that i sent my friend.:
first time i'm emailing you haha, too bad it isn't such a happy one. oh man this new year just seems to suck really bad. firstly the thing with vic. oh man i was to anxious and naive, it was too premature. in the end it was her that got hurt really bad. i feel so guilty since its totally my fault. now she can barely even talk to me. things may never be normal again. and i've never said a word to her since monday. queen's rally was totally awkard cos i couldn't even look at her. she told me that she felt that i had toyed with her feelings, shiz i didn't even have that intention to. i was so happy the moment i found out that a girl could actaully like me, now i'm feeling super down. second thing my mum is like suddenly totally picking on everything i do, she complains about me having my phone at dinner table even though it's perfectly ok, and she likes wants to take away everything and leave me at home to rot. what should i do? not only am i at a lost at what to do, i'm also lacking the "will" to try.
anyway i hope you're well and had a great new year. all the best for 2009.
love ,ryan
first time i'm emailing you haha, too bad it isn't such a happy one. oh man this new year just seems to suck really bad. firstly the thing with vic. oh man i was to anxious and naive, it was too premature. in the end it was her that got hurt really bad. i feel so guilty since its totally my fault. now she can barely even talk to me. things may never be normal again. and i've never said a word to her since monday. queen's rally was totally awkard cos i couldn't even look at her. she told me that she felt that i had toyed with her feelings, shiz i didn't even have that intention to. i was so happy the moment i found out that a girl could actaully like me, now i'm feeling super down. second thing my mum is like suddenly totally picking on everything i do, she complains about me having my phone at dinner table even though it's perfectly ok, and she likes wants to take away everything and leave me at home to rot. what should i do? not only am i at a lost at what to do, i'm also lacking the "will" to try.
anyway i hope you're well and had a great new year. all the best for 2009.
love ,ryan
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Contest
Jul. 5th, 2008 | 12:17 am
music: Famous last words
woah i surprise even myself. on wednesday morning i suddenly woke up with the radio on, i heard soo on 987 talking about some mcr contest, and without even realising i was messaging in and i thought i won lol. but since i was half asleep i didn't catch any of the details lor and they never told me what to do, so i was unsure about inviting anyone. but on thursday i finally got confirmation to collect my 5 tickets. I was rushing the whole time even on friday to find people to go cos a lot of people were busy and had something else on. in the end i only managed to get 3 other people to go for the thing haha. so at 6 i met up with everyone and i went to collect my tickets! it was really kinda cool we had gv tickets that had my chemical romance on them. LOL it must have seemed kinda lame since we went to watch a live concert on the big screen. the black parade is dead mexico city one. people were jumping up and down some were standing on their seats and there was even a mosh pit in front of the screen lol. i had quite a bit of fun hah, still think i was super tyco though. after that i went to play pool, at the beginning super suck almost lost the first game, but after the that i was totally on fire for a beginner. won the last game cos my friend hit the 8 ball in half way lol. oh one more thing, i'm quite glad that i decided to talk to her today, i hope that i can continue to talk to her. i'll pray for the best. (:
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More stuff to talk about
Jul. 2nd, 2008 | 04:06 pm
music: Always be my baby
my,my that was a really really long post, i'm sorry if its too wordy but yeah a lot of things did happen. i think i shall now continue with the june holidays. just before my dad had to go meet mr pang cos of my bt1 results that really sucked, but enough of that. the first week of june was a lot going to school as well as preparing for SATs which was on the 7th i met up with vicky a few times too to "study", don't really think we were that productive though.haha. anyways i was like secretly training almost every other day for the natinal indiv chmps and nat junior champs whihc were in week 3. hong shen went on holiday to thailand where we had his nads assaulted by ladyboys haha. in the second week it was more training too and then friday the day before sats. i went to vicky's house to study with her and i stayed pretty late until like 11 something. my parents didn't know of course since they were on holiday in hong kong. i have to admit i had fun with her siblings haha. anyway the next day i was like falling asleep during the test which must have been why i screwed up majorly lol. but that night i met up with my classmates for dinner. i'm not really sure how our relationship is but i have this inkling that it's only just above kai shan's. it really sucks to not be part of any clique in the class. malcolm told me countless times to ignore it but well i just find it kinda hard. i always wished to be a part of brian and sean's group but oh well i guess i'm not that lucky. which makes me wonder how all my class mates see me.:/ Anyway the next day was nat indiv wihch i totally screwd up lol idn't even manage to qualify which just sucks. so i'll skip to the next day which was very fun!
ABF outing to sentosa, it was phoebe and my first outing together with the abf people since i guess they must have gone out on other occasions in the past. but it was super fun, we played bball while waiting for wujie and wenying and man was it tough the sand made it hard to run and my shooting was toally suck. after which we played volleyball and i was shirtless haha( which was why i got burnt so badly, lol) and our team of yong han, cb, zzg owned the round robin. although before that wenying, wan qi, phoebe, zzg cb and I lost against wu jie, yanlong, yuan zi, vicky, nicolette, yonghan and timmy. After which we went to 7 eleven to get drinks and then we went to eat at koufu. we then went back to play bball and frisbee. oh and it just so happened that we met the band people who were having an excursion of their own haha. i totally owned at frisbee cos i had yan long and zzg to go and catch and i was quite accurate with my throwing that day, although once i threw it onto a hut since i threw it very far. lol. anyway the rest decided to go swimming and i stayed with yonghan, while wenying, wujie and yuan zi slept. after a while they got up and left so i got yh to get the rest while i looked after the stuff. i was kinda bored since everyone was enjoying themselves while i was stuck there. anyway while some people went to bathe i went to shoot hoops, i was challenged by some big middle eastern looking guy, but i turned it down scared i lose lol. after we had all changed we made our way to vivo to meet hs and phoebe who had left earlier to catch a movie. KUNG FU PANDA. that was seriously one of the funniest movies ever, we were all laughing until we nearly cried. after which we were all trying to do the wu shi fingerhold to everyone haha. and that was the end of our trip haha.
thursday was the start of the national junior individual championships, and like the last time i was taking part in all the events. i was really surprised with my performance for epee, i think i was really super tyco cos for the first time i was poule king and i was ranked no.2 after poules haha. but my happiness was short-lived since i met harshan who had screwd up his poules and him being nat team and alll beat me 15-13, i was quite sad that i lost, wanted to at least make it to quarters. the next day my poules had yingjie and he was quite hilarious with the way he fenced but he did beat 3 people in the poule and so did i haha,( i beat him 5-4). at first there was a mix up when the ref made it such that i had lost to him, but luckily it could be corrected and i went up in my ranking and didn't have to face yanlong. but i was to face favian ho, a name i had seen often but never had the oppotunity to fence, and i had the impression that he was quite pro. but as lady luck was on my side and i did win only to meet yuan zi the road block who killed me 15-3 in top 16. that day was pretty bad for arnold who had lost 15-0 to a guy, i really felt bad for him ): the next day was team and i woke up late. thankfully i rushed down in time and zzg was all too happy for me to take his place. i was surprised with our epee performance having beaten the sji team then the mj team who had the indiv first and second and we made it to the finals wow. our opponents were all veterans and super strong and i was supposed to be the weakest link in the team. i was up first and luckily i drew with their anchor 5-5- phew, on my next turn i widened the gap to 5 points 20-15 and i fenced 6-1 against a guy that had been in nat team before wow. but in the end i got owned again by harshan and they led us 35-34. we were so nervous when yan long went up but he managed to draw with derrick and the score was 35 all after 3 minutes. then derrick had priority, and it was heartstopping each time the light went up, bur we lost in the end. but i was happy that i had gotten a trophy and a silver at that wow. ABF owned all the other events except women's sabre and that night we went to pizza hut to celebrate haha. after that it was studying time for me
i feel that being with the club and being in fencing has really changed a part of my life for me. firstly i never had the opportuntiy to participate in any competition during my years in high school, cos the coach always never picked me. but with fencing i've had that opportunity an won something at least. everyone in the club is super nice and it's been my honour to befriend them. my whole life people never really accepted me for who i am, prised me for what i did well, or want to hang out with me. With the exception of malcolm, cheryl, phoebe, hong shen and a few other close friends. but through fencing i have made so many other friends and unlocked new oppotunities for myself, and for that i am grateful and i will always treasure my moments with the club. <\i>
ABF outing to sentosa, it was phoebe and my first outing together with the abf people since i guess they must have gone out on other occasions in the past. but it was super fun, we played bball while waiting for wujie and wenying and man was it tough the sand made it hard to run and my shooting was toally suck. after which we played volleyball and i was shirtless haha( which was why i got burnt so badly, lol) and our team of yong han, cb, zzg owned the round robin. although before that wenying, wan qi, phoebe, zzg cb and I lost against wu jie, yanlong, yuan zi, vicky, nicolette, yonghan and timmy. After which we went to 7 eleven to get drinks and then we went to eat at koufu. we then went back to play bball and frisbee. oh and it just so happened that we met the band people who were having an excursion of their own haha. i totally owned at frisbee cos i had yan long and zzg to go and catch and i was quite accurate with my throwing that day, although once i threw it onto a hut since i threw it very far. lol. anyway the rest decided to go swimming and i stayed with yonghan, while wenying, wujie and yuan zi slept. after a while they got up and left so i got yh to get the rest while i looked after the stuff. i was kinda bored since everyone was enjoying themselves while i was stuck there. anyway while some people went to bathe i went to shoot hoops, i was challenged by some big middle eastern looking guy, but i turned it down scared i lose lol. after we had all changed we made our way to vivo to meet hs and phoebe who had left earlier to catch a movie. KUNG FU PANDA. that was seriously one of the funniest movies ever, we were all laughing until we nearly cried. after which we were all trying to do the wu shi fingerhold to everyone haha. and that was the end of our trip haha.
thursday was the start of the national junior individual championships, and like the last time i was taking part in all the events. i was really surprised with my performance for epee, i think i was really super tyco cos for the first time i was poule king and i was ranked no.2 after poules haha. but my happiness was short-lived since i met harshan who had screwd up his poules and him being nat team and alll beat me 15-13, i was quite sad that i lost, wanted to at least make it to quarters. the next day my poules had yingjie and he was quite hilarious with the way he fenced but he did beat 3 people in the poule and so did i haha,( i beat him 5-4). at first there was a mix up when the ref made it such that i had lost to him, but luckily it could be corrected and i went up in my ranking and didn't have to face yanlong. but i was to face favian ho, a name i had seen often but never had the oppotunity to fence, and i had the impression that he was quite pro. but as lady luck was on my side and i did win only to meet yuan zi the road block who killed me 15-3 in top 16. that day was pretty bad for arnold who had lost 15-0 to a guy, i really felt bad for him ): the next day was team and i woke up late. thankfully i rushed down in time and zzg was all too happy for me to take his place. i was surprised with our epee performance having beaten the sji team then the mj team who had the indiv first and second and we made it to the finals wow. our opponents were all veterans and super strong and i was supposed to be the weakest link in the team. i was up first and luckily i drew with their anchor 5-5- phew, on my next turn i widened the gap to 5 points 20-15 and i fenced 6-1 against a guy that had been in nat team before wow. but in the end i got owned again by harshan and they led us 35-34. we were so nervous when yan long went up but he managed to draw with derrick and the score was 35 all after 3 minutes. then derrick had priority, and it was heartstopping each time the light went up, bur we lost in the end. but i was happy that i had gotten a trophy and a silver at that wow. ABF owned all the other events except women's sabre and that night we went to pizza hut to celebrate haha. after that it was studying time for me
i feel that being with the club and being in fencing has really changed a part of my life for me. firstly i never had the opportuntiy to participate in any competition during my years in high school, cos the coach always never picked me. but with fencing i've had that opportunity an won something at least. everyone in the club is super nice and it's been my honour to befriend them. my whole life people never really accepted me for who i am, prised me for what i did well, or want to hang out with me. With the exception of malcolm, cheryl, phoebe, hong shen and a few other close friends. but through fencing i have made so many other friends and unlocked new oppotunities for myself, and for that i am grateful and i will always treasure my moments with the club. <\i>
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wow it's been a long time
Jul. 1st, 2008 | 10:46 pm
music: Fall for you
wow 32 weeks, that's like 8 months, now's only july so last year holy that's a really really long time i wonder what have i done in those 32 weeks... hmm let's start from the top. what ever happened to my life last year, particularly in the love department stays in that department, nothing continued haha. near the end of last year 2007 i got a ban from fencing well not only fencing i guess from going out, and seriously that really sucked, siriusly. but oh well i did anyway in december we took part in the RJC invitationals it was only like our second competition and well we got 3rd place after beating RJ and losing to NUS lol but i think it was a pretty good effort on our part haha. after that training started to get serious almost immediately at the start of the year had like 3 competition over 3 weekends i think i was in final 16 for all, quite tyco but haiz my standard still cannot make it. during the start of the year something else happened to me as well, i mean i started talking to this girl that i knew but just never really talked to. you sould have called it a crush but i was totally infatuated with her i mean seriously. i really really liked her. i like talking to her especially and learning more about her cos i knew so little. she told me that she never really had any friends in school besides her best friend in class and well the other girl's from st nicks. so she was kinda introverted i guess. i really enjoyed going for trainings just to see her. it was mere coincidence but my private lessons also happened to be on the same day as dennis' epee trainings so all the more another opportunity just to be near the one i liked. i talked to her everyday whther it was online or messages and i was always checking on how she was. i was always happy just to see her along the corridor and just wave and say hi. there was one time when she left her spongebob (she really likes it! (:)file at abf after training, i was so glad i was there i happily took on the task of returning it to her. on valentine's day i even gave her a rose because i knew she wanted one and she seemed quite happy about it. i shall follow up on this a little later.
during the start of the march holidays a week just before block test one i went for the selangor open my first overseas competition. I was super excited man. it was funfilled trip, we even had to buy abf track suit and shirts it was pretty fun. on the day of my event i was totally nervous i didn't know who was going to be in my poules. and guess what it was yuan zi and anthony. those two always seem to meet each other.haha. we were the only three singaporeans in the poule along with two malaysians and an indonesian. I totally thought i was going to get thrashed man. i faced yuan zi firt and lost what 5-0 oh man, i lost almost all after that but i did mange to beat a malaysian. after the poules i went to check with how everyone did. turns out yong han and i both won one bout. and the nat team people were almost all poule king. when the results were out i tyco qualified which was what coach had told us before the trip, to aim to qualify. even though i lost the bout after because my foot was injured i was glad that i had met my goal haha. man blocks totally killed me i wasn't prepared at all only studying one day before each paper didn't even finish studying for chem. moreover i had that thing weighing on my mind, well i was always think about her and in some way i guess it affected me in a big way. during the selangor trip i had bought a spongebob plushie, i mean it was totally cute and i thought that she would like it but i guess i chose the wrong time to give it to her. which was on the day of the spa and i didn't even give it to her personally man that totally sucked. after which she ignored me for super long, even though i sent her messages and tried to strike up a conversation. until like one or two weeks before interschools, she suddenly asked me if i was the one that gave her the toy. i was seriously in a dilemma whether to tell her or not. if i said no then i'd be lying to her and i didn't want that. and phoebe told me to tell her the truth so i did, and guess what to thank me for my honesty she told me that she thought it was kinda weird. interschools was where we really had to give it our all, i mean we were supposed to be aiming for this ever since we started the club. but due to my parent's restrictions i could only train for a few days and to boot my heel was injured after selangor. and hong shen's back was seriously injured and he was our star player. things just didn't look that good for us. after a lot of praying well we still went forth to compete. i had to compete on all four days since i was in foil and epee. foil indiv was ok for me my i did quite well in poules but for my de i was totally pissed when i lost to this guy(i'll always remember his name victor poh) who i shouldn't have lost too i really hated it and that was in top 16. thankfully the next day for epee i did quite ok i mean i never really prepared for it but i did quite ok in poules. which was where i met daniel foo for the first time, who represented mj and was in nat team. his attitude totally disgusted me, when he argued with the referee, pushed me to the ground etc. man did i hate him. besides that i made it to round of 16 after receiving a bi, and guess who i meet zi shun from rj. haha he had beaten hong shen in both foil and epee during the rj invites. he was a real giant of a guy that towered like a head or two over me. we were quite friendly with each other but we still had to fenced after several points we were both carded for non-combativity haha, and we skipped to the last bout which ended in a draw 8-8. he then got priority and i had to attack him, thanks to advice from coach i locked and went scoring the point and moved on to quarterfinals haha. that played outsimilarly to the previous bout. i was leading the cjc vice captain at first but that he caught up, and i got too ji dong and rushed him losing a lot of points and it looked like i was done for sure. bu in the last few seconds of the last bout by a miracle u got two point and manged to draw and 10-10. and i got priority, but i'm still quite noob with this kind of thing and wasn't sure whether to attack or not and in the end he attacked me and he won by one point. i was quite devastated since i could hav gotten a medal at least anyway this guy was the champion in the end. she wasn't there today cos of her grandma's funeral, which she found out the day before. i totally wanted to be ther for her but i was just afraid. these two days had sapped my strength and i didn't do very well on the third day, and hong shen had already busted his back the first two days we were without our anchor. we were completely massacred only winning acjc but that was enough to get fourth place and there were trophies too. the womne's epee team also got 4th and they did pretty well. on the last day i just decided to go and pia since it didn't matter anymore. we almost won acsi and rjc losing by only 1 or 2 points, and we beat acjc too and that was the first time i ever shouted after scoring a point which was most probably because she was there. haha. i hated the bout against vjc since the cjc people were being such spoilsports and jeering whenever we scored a point. and with that we concluded our trip to our first interschools haha.
during the start of the march holidays a week just before block test one i went for the selangor open my first overseas competition. I was super excited man. it was funfilled trip, we even had to buy abf track suit and shirts it was pretty fun. on the day of my event i was totally nervous i didn't know who was going to be in my poules. and guess what it was yuan zi and anthony. those two always seem to meet each other.haha. we were the only three singaporeans in the poule along with two malaysians and an indonesian. I totally thought i was going to get thrashed man. i faced yuan zi firt and lost what 5-0 oh man, i lost almost all after that but i did mange to beat a malaysian. after the poules i went to check with how everyone did. turns out yong han and i both won one bout. and the nat team people were almost all poule king. when the results were out i tyco qualified which was what coach had told us before the trip, to aim to qualify. even though i lost the bout after because my foot was injured i was glad that i had met my goal haha. man blocks totally killed me i wasn't prepared at all only studying one day before each paper didn't even finish studying for chem. moreover i had that thing weighing on my mind, well i was always think about her and in some way i guess it affected me in a big way. during the selangor trip i had bought a spongebob plushie, i mean it was totally cute and i thought that she would like it but i guess i chose the wrong time to give it to her. which was on the day of the spa and i didn't even give it to her personally man that totally sucked. after which she ignored me for super long, even though i sent her messages and tried to strike up a conversation. until like one or two weeks before interschools, she suddenly asked me if i was the one that gave her the toy. i was seriously in a dilemma whether to tell her or not. if i said no then i'd be lying to her and i didn't want that. and phoebe told me to tell her the truth so i did, and guess what to thank me for my honesty she told me that she thought it was kinda weird. interschools was where we really had to give it our all, i mean we were supposed to be aiming for this ever since we started the club. but due to my parent's restrictions i could only train for a few days and to boot my heel was injured after selangor. and hong shen's back was seriously injured and he was our star player. things just didn't look that good for us. after a lot of praying well we still went forth to compete. i had to compete on all four days since i was in foil and epee. foil indiv was ok for me my i did quite well in poules but for my de i was totally pissed when i lost to this guy(i'll always remember his name victor poh) who i shouldn't have lost too i really hated it and that was in top 16. thankfully the next day for epee i did quite ok i mean i never really prepared for it but i did quite ok in poules. which was where i met daniel foo for the first time, who represented mj and was in nat team. his attitude totally disgusted me, when he argued with the referee, pushed me to the ground etc. man did i hate him. besides that i made it to round of 16 after receiving a bi, and guess who i meet zi shun from rj. haha he had beaten hong shen in both foil and epee during the rj invites. he was a real giant of a guy that towered like a head or two over me. we were quite friendly with each other but we still had to fenced after several points we were both carded for non-combativity haha, and we skipped to the last bout which ended in a draw 8-8. he then got priority and i had to attack him, thanks to advice from coach i locked and went scoring the point and moved on to quarterfinals haha. that played outsimilarly to the previous bout. i was leading the cjc vice captain at first but that he caught up, and i got too ji dong and rushed him losing a lot of points and it looked like i was done for sure. bu in the last few seconds of the last bout by a miracle u got two point and manged to draw and 10-10. and i got priority, but i'm still quite noob with this kind of thing and wasn't sure whether to attack or not and in the end he attacked me and he won by one point. i was quite devastated since i could hav gotten a medal at least anyway this guy was the champion in the end. she wasn't there today cos of her grandma's funeral, which she found out the day before. i totally wanted to be ther for her but i was just afraid. these two days had sapped my strength and i didn't do very well on the third day, and hong shen had already busted his back the first two days we were without our anchor. we were completely massacred only winning acjc but that was enough to get fourth place and there were trophies too. the womne's epee team also got 4th and they did pretty well. on the last day i just decided to go and pia since it didn't matter anymore. we almost won acsi and rjc losing by only 1 or 2 points, and we beat acjc too and that was the first time i ever shouted after scoring a point which was most probably because she was there. haha. i hated the bout against vjc since the cjc people were being such spoilsports and jeering whenever we scored a point. and with that we concluded our trip to our first interschools haha.
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follow up
Nov. 20th, 2007 | 12:03 am
i'm so afraid to do anything now. after all i did take someone's suggestion and got something. but now i'm at a lost at what i can do. oh can someone offer me some advice on steps i should take now. honestly, if i do anything now it'd just be letting the cat out of the bag. and if i don't well i'm not sure what will happen.i don't remember ever being so nervous about anything before. because if it doesn't turn out right, there just not be enough time to heal these wounds...
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finally
Nov. 14th, 2007 | 10:44 pm
finally internet, so many have wondered how i have lived for the past 3 weeks without the internet. even i am unsure.lol. anyway i've other problems to deal with. i've been tryig to get myself to study and i must say it isn't easy. theres so many things that i have to cover, again. never really put in much effort into anything this year except for fencing. i really wonder if i can do all the things that i said that i wanted to do this holiday. i suddenly decided that i should go for a church camp it was like an on the spur of the moment thing. it's the first time i'm going for a church camp even though there's always been one. anyway about the other problems that i have, hardly anyone knows but there are those special few out there that do. i can't really reveal anything if not i'm dead. it happened once i don't want it to happen again. i guess only time will tell.
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...
Nov. 13th, 2007 | 07:46 am
lol no internet at home for so long that's why never updated. can't even remember what my previous post was. i'm in school doing this lol. well as for my present situation, i'm wondering why it's always like this. i spent a while thinking about it, but everything has come to nought. i have been told to not do anything, and that kinda sucks. it hurts when the feelings are so strong and yet you can't express them for fear of rejection or even worse the destruction of whatever relationship there ever was. nut this is driving me nuts, even to the extent of affecting the realm of the subconscious mind. ok i'm starting to blabber, anyway i gtg practice guitar. 2 more days...
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hmm
Oct. 18th, 2007 | 01:33 am
music: apologize
so early in the morning,super sleepy and everyone's still up chionging stupid pw. wah the girls in my class all so imba, own the guys flat. but i know i didn't really put in any effort throughout the year and even at the last moment for promos, so i kinda deserve the marks i'm getting. but i'm deteremined to do better next year. while everyone is going overseas i'm gonna bankai. gonna find my old tuition teacher and actually put in some effort into all my subjects. i don't want to keep getting owned. gonna read up more on current affairs cos gp is suffering also. the way i write my esssays would be like that of a dreamer. the content just isn't there. come to think of itthe way i do things is much like how a dreamer would do.sigh when can i gain that maturity of thought that is lacking really badly. this is so depressing.
on to other things, i feel like brushing up on a lot of skills during this hols too. i want to learn how to cook, to sew, to play soccer properly, take up a electric guitar course, buy an electric guitar, brush up on fencing, go for a singing course, etc. so many things i want to do but i don't know if i can do them at all. but i must have faith if i play less games i'll have more time to do other stuff. my sis is coming back in november, it'll be more than 6 months since i'd have seen her face to face, i really miss her a lot. ): my social life is in shambles, if there ever was one in the first place. the girls i used to communicate with like suddenly not communicating anymore, be it online or text messages, keep getting daoed, just makes me feel kinda sad and sort of lonely. too tired to think, may write more about it tomorrow...
on to other things, i feel like brushing up on a lot of skills during this hols too. i want to learn how to cook, to sew, to play soccer properly, take up a electric guitar course, buy an electric guitar, brush up on fencing, go for a singing course, etc. so many things i want to do but i don't know if i can do them at all. but i must have faith if i play less games i'll have more time to do other stuff. my sis is coming back in november, it'll be more than 6 months since i'd have seen her face to face, i really miss her a lot. ): my social life is in shambles, if there ever was one in the first place. the girls i used to communicate with like suddenly not communicating anymore, be it online or text messages, keep getting daoed, just makes me feel kinda sad and sort of lonely. too tired to think, may write more about it tomorrow...
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tired
Oct. 3rd, 2007 | 01:29 am
music: Blind
hmm 8 weeks ago thats like 2 months and thats how long i last posted. i'm so tired doing eom now and helping someone else with theirs. i'm so glad that promos are over a bit shao stress ahh. also the end of my two weeks without internet. watched balls of fury yesterday and went to bowl afterwards. the movie had quite a lot of racists jokes and discriminate against the chinese but it was pretty funny. lol i didn't even study for mock spa at all confirm screw up, but i was happy that afterwards i went to play pool. i'm a pool noob totally sucked in the beginning must have scared of chuan han lol, but afterwards not bad kept winning just before shao jie came (:
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Friends...
Aug. 6th, 2007 | 10:53 pm
music: Dimelo
once again self-doubt has been cast on myself, after the events of the past few days. managed to piss off cheryl and yingjie, the latter i'm not sure how, without really meaning to, following which i apologised, and the reply was if that's how you treat your friends it really shows alot. I'm actually quite hurt by all these. No one really cares, but i feel really offended cos almost all my life of the past7 or more year's my i had placed my friends above everything else, and yes even GoD, deepest apologies oh mighty one. i hardly shared anything with my family, on the other hand all my problems i shared with my friends. Over the past 1 year there has been an exponential growth to the number of friends that i have, although i know not whether all of them are true. But one thing can be said, and that is i treasure all my friends. i share all that i have with my friends, everytime aomeone needed to borrow money i always lent it to them no questions asked even though some don't always pay back, albeit not the best example. I always try to listen most of the time, showing concern for all those that i really care about. I try to give advice or at least my opinion of the matter whenever i can, although not the most sound but it comes from the heart. I enjoy having friends, i enjoy being in the company of others, i love to listen and lend an ear to hose who want to share their burden. no matter what the situation i always put friends before everything else. If someone wants to spend more time in school or outside i will pei them even if i need to go home, even though i'm really tired and they want to play basketball i will. When it comes to this sort of thing i always go past the limit, and most of the time i never really ask for things in return. And to think just yesterday, after i reminded someone that they still owe me money, I was chided for being shallow. didn't i help you out just a few weeks before and this is what i get in return. i'm treated like dirt not really important at all. even though the rest of my life happens to be going down the drain, i still hold my friends in the highest esteem.
On to another matter, i kinda realised that nowadays the people that i used to talk alot with have just stopped talking or have nothing to say. it just gives me the feeling of getting the cold shoulder. msn convos have become dull and stagnant. my ex-classmate just totally ignores me like i don't even exist maybe he never even wanted me to be in his class. i really wish the people reading this would try and talk more. oh yeah by the way i lost in my first ever fencing competition, although we weren't expecting to do well i felt kinda disappointed anyway. lost to prcss, stop i know what you're thinking but its not people's republic of china even though it's often the cas, but pasir ris crest secondary school, and they already have at least 2 plus years of training.
something else i just want to add, even though i might have mentioned it before, apparently i can't remember for the life of me. all those girls that i ever said i liked or liked, none of them were just mere passing flings. it may be a bit random but i was really serious and i'm a bit embarassed to say it but i really meant whatever i said with all my heart, i was never playing around at all.
On to another matter, i kinda realised that nowadays the people that i used to talk alot with have just stopped talking or have nothing to say. it just gives me the feeling of getting the cold shoulder. msn convos have become dull and stagnant. my ex-classmate just totally ignores me like i don't even exist maybe he never even wanted me to be in his class. i really wish the people reading this would try and talk more. oh yeah by the way i lost in my first ever fencing competition, although we weren't expecting to do well i felt kinda disappointed anyway. lost to prcss, stop i know what you're thinking but its not people's republic of china even though it's often the cas, but pasir ris crest secondary school, and they already have at least 2 plus years of training.
something else i just want to add, even though i might have mentioned it before, apparently i can't remember for the life of me. all those girls that i ever said i liked or liked, none of them were just mere passing flings. it may be a bit random but i was really serious and i'm a bit embarassed to say it but i really meant whatever i said with all my heart, i was never playing around at all.
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Maths lecture
Jul. 9th, 2007 | 11:50 pm
music: beautiful world
sigh. life sucks.
I'm starting to think that i really could be despo. i wonder what i can do? i really don't want to appear despo since i'm not. why'd i do that? looking at g____, i just had an odd feeling(fear? jealousy? anger?), how could i possibly lose something that i never had in the first place. this seems so de javu. time and time again, i keep letting myself feel this way and for what? absolutely nothing, it always ends in the same way, with me losing everything.
my results are going down the drain, although its not like they were up there in the first place. can i really get my As if i just tried to work hard? up until now everyday just seems like a play day. can i really buck up? i keep getting distracted, games, girls, trying to fit in,etc. sometimes i wish i was like S or B; being popular and well liked without really having to do so well. moreover weiting did say that girls ususally went for the naughtier guys. in the end nice guys will always end up finishing last, being nice just deosn't cut it nowadays, although it might have let's say centuries ago, when the gentleman was every girl's dream and every man's ambition. clubbing and partying, earrings and sticks, now define your social status. i wonder should i change the way i am? if i did would i just be lying to myself about who i really am?
at least i have one thing to look forward to, possibly the only aspect of my life at this point in time that's been going pretty well( maybe i'm overlooking something else?) is fencing. who knew it was so fun albeit tiring. i take every training seriously and no i don't think that i'm proer than everyone else not sure why everyone thinks i'm cocky though. i enjoy free fencing cos it gives me an opportunity to try out all the new moves i've learnt. at first it was like complete overkill cos everyone was noob but now everyone's improving at an increasing rate they're harder to beat. I admit that i like to have fun every once in a while during training otherwise it'll be really boring. pestasukan coming up soon i just hope we don't face the rjc team A that would be complete murder. it's late i need to sleep.
I'm starting to think that i really could be despo. i wonder what i can do? i really don't want to appear despo since i'm not. why'd i do that? looking at g____, i just had an odd feeling(fear? jealousy? anger?), how could i possibly lose something that i never had in the first place. this seems so de javu. time and time again, i keep letting myself feel this way and for what? absolutely nothing, it always ends in the same way, with me losing everything.
my results are going down the drain, although its not like they were up there in the first place. can i really get my As if i just tried to work hard? up until now everyday just seems like a play day. can i really buck up? i keep getting distracted, games, girls, trying to fit in,etc. sometimes i wish i was like S or B; being popular and well liked without really having to do so well. moreover weiting did say that girls ususally went for the naughtier guys. in the end nice guys will always end up finishing last, being nice just deosn't cut it nowadays, although it might have let's say centuries ago, when the gentleman was every girl's dream and every man's ambition. clubbing and partying, earrings and sticks, now define your social status. i wonder should i change the way i am? if i did would i just be lying to myself about who i really am?
at least i have one thing to look forward to, possibly the only aspect of my life at this point in time that's been going pretty well( maybe i'm overlooking something else?) is fencing. who knew it was so fun albeit tiring. i take every training seriously and no i don't think that i'm proer than everyone else not sure why everyone thinks i'm cocky though. i enjoy free fencing cos it gives me an opportunity to try out all the new moves i've learnt. at first it was like complete overkill cos everyone was noob but now everyone's improving at an increasing rate they're harder to beat. I admit that i like to have fun every once in a while during training otherwise it'll be really boring. pestasukan coming up soon i just hope we don't face the rjc team A that would be complete murder. it's late i need to sleep.
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happy and sad
Jun. 16th, 2007 | 11:13 pm
music: lights and sounds
yesterday i just got my new computer. yay i really like it its a great upgrade from the crappy thing that i was using, it kept breaking down. the new system is vista, its intel core duo so processing speed is amazing, however my downloads are quite slow. i love it, thanks mom and dad. moreover i'm getting my sister's old laptop. sigh never talked about it but i'm quite sad that my sister isn't around anymore, my family just came back yesterday after settling her down in australia. sigh we were pretty close, and with my brother it just won't be the same. don't know why i stayed up so late yesterday night i was totally exhausted, okay not totally but i was at fencing training. wow its so cool i did free fencing for the first time, full suit(no breeches and plastron) and electric lights(not sure what their real name is :P). i wasn't too bad, didn't lose a match, total of 4 for me twice with hong shen, once with yingjie and once with phobe(just for fun.haha) hmm scores were 8-5,5-1,7-0,5-0, respectively, but there's always room for improvement. i really enjoy the feel of getting the point its so fun. well thats all.
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opc(continued)
Jun. 10th, 2007 | 11:11 pm
postponed due to lagginess, but i will fill it in sometime... i hope
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OPC
Jun. 6th, 2007 | 09:51 am
mood: 
tired
been away for like what close to two weeks all the way in new zealand. it was super super fun, opc rocks, seriously. left on the 26th and i was still pack just a few hours before too much procrastinating. Checked in and boom we were off! yay!! unfortunately i had a bad seat at the next to the aisle beside me was sam the LOTR fanatic and in front was audrey whom i didn't know at that time, so watched movies most of the time, managed to cram in 4. almost everyone was sitting next to someone except for one person. when we reached the airport guess who got lost? haha kaishan lol, due to some bars that he thought he needed to declare or something like that. anyway when we stepped out brr it was kinda like the perth or adelaide trip cold at yet the sun was bright. if there's one thing i noticed everyone's secret desire to cam whore was exposed. haha so many pictures were taken. the rest of the day was spent on the road, sam got sick yadahyadah. we finally reached there at night instead of a dorm we got to stay in the coporate roomings, which was good that we got our own rooms (in fact two to a room) and yet bad since we wouldn't have been able to bond like if we were in a dorm. anyway dinner was by flo, a real nice lady of immense proportions( haha good pun), but it was great. after dinner we were split into our groups,7 had ron jessica kim phyllis kaishan sam xiaojun christine vincent,8 had me!!! small small boy louis gavin audrey eugenia huiling and yuhui. 7 had tuckey the dependable guy, while we temporarily had sash a cool jap dude, haha.
the next day ****!! i woke up late didn't help prepare lunch or make breakfast oh man. after breakfast we went to collect our gear from opc fleece+thermals+backpack+park+overtrouse
the next day ****!! i woke up late didn't help prepare lunch or make breakfast oh man. after breakfast we went to collect our gear from opc fleece+thermals+backpack+park+overtrouse
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dead dead dead
May. 20th, 2007 | 09:48 pm
mood: depressed
music: Just So You Know
so hard to maintain this blog but oh well at least i'm trying. mosaic and t^4 were both great really enjoyed both. especially like zhengxun's character, but i don't really feel that great now. what did i do wrong God please tell me , why do bad things always happen to me? after the play went to kap and then went home, found out my phone was gone tried calling it but whoever found it must have taken the card out and dump it in some bin somewhere. all my money down the drain, paid for it myself which is why my parents aren't slaughtering me. i'm so depressed and feeling so emo. I haven't said a word to anyone in my family the entire day, i really really hate myself.
I try so hard to get something that i really want, something i would go to the ends of the world to just to obtain, something on a pedestal that seems so close and yet just out of my reach. i tried so hard to let go but i just can't. don't feel like blogging anymore...
Just So You Know
I shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you,
but I can't move.
I can't look away.
I shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you,
but I can't move.
I can't look away.
And I don't know,
how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know,
how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
I just gotta say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
It's getting hard to,
be around you.
There's so much I can't say.
Do you want me to have the feelings?
And look the other way.
And I don't know,
how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know,
how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know.
This feeling's taking control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go. (Just so you know)
This emptiness is killing me,
I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long.
Looking back I realize,
it was always there,
just never spoken.
I'm waiting here,
been waiting here.
Just so you know,
this feeling's take control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
(Whoa,
Just so you know,
Whoa,
Thought you should know.)
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go,
just so you know.
Just so you know.
I try so hard to get something that i really want, something i would go to the ends of the world to just to obtain, something on a pedestal that seems so close and yet just out of my reach. i tried so hard to let go but i just can't. don't feel like blogging anymore...
Just So You Know
I shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you,
but I can't move.
I can't look away.
I shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you,
but I can't move.
I can't look away.
And I don't know,
how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know,
how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
I just gotta say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
It's getting hard to,
be around you.
There's so much I can't say.
Do you want me to have the feelings?
And look the other way.
And I don't know,
how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know,
how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know.
This feeling's taking control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go. (Just so you know)
This emptiness is killing me,
I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long.
Looking back I realize,
it was always there,
just never spoken.
I'm waiting here,
been waiting here.
Just so you know,
this feeling's take control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
(Whoa,
Just so you know,
Whoa,
Thought you should know.)
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
Just gotta say it all before I go,
just so you know.
Just so you know.
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Over It (getting there)
Apr. 12th, 2007 | 10:07 pm
mood: 
exhausted
music: Asterisk
sigh just one day of feeling a bit down and everyone is talking about me behind my back. i mean is it too unreasonable to ask for just one day to not be myself. moreover the disappointment wasn't only the main reason, i tried going to sleep at 11.30 unfortunately i only managed to fall asleep at 12 plus, and then i suddenly woke up at 3 am, and i thought i was late for school and started to change when i realised i immediately changed back went to sleep again woke up again close to five same thing happened(i usually wake up at like 6.20 cos my dad sends me (: ). anyway i must have cut short my rem sleep. ok so i'm not over it yet, but i'm just letting it die down slowly but surely. i know that "love" can't be forced, so i regret acting on impulse, it'll come naturally many people said, so i'll just wait...
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downtrodden possibly heartbroken
Apr. 11th, 2007 | 10:37 pm
mood: crushed
music: Every Heart
hmm i guess i was just thinking too far ahead, perhaps placed too high a hope on this. oh well i can't just harp on this, even i feel really really down right now. at least you could say that my situation has improved from the other party not liking me in the first place to oh well not wanting to actually commit to anything, if you could say so in the first place. haiz i don't feel like talking anymore about this some other time...